Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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