Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
