i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
