He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
