i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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