Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize