I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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