So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize