so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
