two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
