im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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