Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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