You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we're making bets on your personal life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
