she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i came on her dog
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
is that a dick in a sweater?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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