I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
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Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him