Will you blow on my dice?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.