like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it because I queefed?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy