Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.