I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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