i think my tv is drunk
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea