Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now

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(707): View more from California

You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(425): View more from Washington

Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?

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(278): View more from Michigan

Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear

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(361): View more from Texas

I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.

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