Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.

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(402): Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway. http://tfl.nu/90kq

Replies (5) Good night (735) Bad night (2385)
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(210): View more from Texas

By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE

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(210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE http://tfl.nu/98pz

Replies (32) Good night (9189) Bad night (999)
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(503): View more from Oregon

So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?

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(503): So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it? http://tfl.nu/4plu

Replies (14) Good night (3767) Bad night (1030)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle

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(412): I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle http://tfl.nu/d1bx

Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (1236)
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(614): View more from Ohio

the wall and i were having dominance issues.

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(614): the wall and i were having dominance issues. http://tfl.nu/itlm

Replies (7) Good night (2507) Bad night (1846)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.

(734): View more from Michigan

Your friend and I already don't get along

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(404): I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend. (734): Your friend and I already don't get along http://tfl.nu/d3pe

Replies (4) Good night (3471) Bad night (728)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

Why?

(609): View more from New Jersey

Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."

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(609): My professor just gave us a margarita recipe. (1-609): Why? (609): Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life." http://tfl.nu/ong0

Replies (12) Good night (3287) Bad night (583)
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(443): View more from Maryland

you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend

(703): View more from Virginia

You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.

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(443): you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend (703): You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence. http://tfl.nu/no32

Replies (4) Good night (1638) Bad night (528)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!

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(405): Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting! http://tfl.nu/ctqc

Replies (3) Good night (1335) Bad night (464)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.

(708): View more from Illinois

And it tastes incredible.

(708): View more from Illinois

And I have chest pains.

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(708): I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee. (708): And it tastes incredible. (708): And I have chest pains. http://tfl.nu/iw1m

Replies (6) Good night (1223) Bad night (486)
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(408): View more from California

I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.

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(408): I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic. http://tfl.nu/wiyb

Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (312)
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(805): View more from California

I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop

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(805): I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop http://tfl.nu/0zhw

Replies (1) Good night (427) Bad night (256)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.

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(978): I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out. http://tfl.nu/uwk8

Replies (1) Good night (608) Bad night (198)
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(818): View more from California

Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.

(818): View more from California

We won.

(818): View more from California

USA USA USA

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(818): Also, you should've bet on Team Liver. (818): We won. (818): USA USA USA http://tfl.nu/j79n

Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (220)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet

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(443): Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet http://tfl.nu/rex9

Replies (0) Good night (199) Bad night (351)

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