You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
