Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
