What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Houston, we have a blender
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
