One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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