You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
