I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
