we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
