He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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