You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
