I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
