woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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