Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
