Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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