Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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