I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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