dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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