Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
