those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
