Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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