Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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