How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
