put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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