Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize