I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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