no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
