I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
