we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
