the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm passing your future prison.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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