a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Quick, to the slutcave!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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