Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
