I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
