I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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