My first STD was from a foam party
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
