My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
