i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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