Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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