Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
