giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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