He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
