I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
