the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
