How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
