is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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