I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i already hear my dad disowning me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
