So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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