PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
