why didn't you poke me back
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
