You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
