my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
