I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
