how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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