i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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