eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
