remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
