I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
