i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
